Here's Your Sign

So...I've been good lately.  I have been on my best "Autism Mom" behavior.  I have been understanding when other's aren't.  I have been really on a roll with the "in their defense, they have never heard of autism" standpoint.  I have been substantiating other people's ignorant behavior because I don't want to be that snarky, bitchy "autism mom".  You know the one...the one that is out to get everyone who doesn't jump on board the autism wagon, the one that wants to beat everyone's ass who stares at their child, the mother that is on a mission to shove their child's autism down someone's throat and "by God they are gonna like it!!!!".  That autism mom.  I have been forcing myself to poop butterflies and rainbows while taking the high road.  

It isn't working.

I do try to promote peace, love, and autism, (don't get me wrong), but lately I have just really had it with the explaining, the educating, and the hand-holding when it comes to family members and complete strangers.  I mean...I can understand having to occasionally break things down for family members.  I have to associate with them and share holidays with them and I can somehow find the patience to explain a meltdown or another behavior.  I can find it within myself to explain that my child isn't "a slow leak" because he eats crayons and that he does it because he craves sensory stimulation (while shooting the bird at them when they walk way).  I can do these things.  But, why the hell do I continue to try to explain autism to complete strangers?  I answer my own question..."Because Jessica, you run an autism support group and you have to set an example."  "Jessica, (I like to address myself when I am trying to rationalize a situation) how are people supposed to learn about autism if you don't snatch them out of the darkness and bring them into the light?"  "Jessica, you have to be the bigger person and advocate for your son."  Yes!!!  Advocate!!!  I just get tired of advocating and my words falling on deaf ears.

I told you our shopping trips have gotten better and when I say better I am being positive.  They aren't met with screams, headbutting, or severe self-injurious behavior...except of course if Logan is in Toys R Us and sees an aisle full of Crayola Heaven.  We were there yesterday and bless him, this child knows nothing of the word or concept of patience.  He doesn't understand that when you see something you want...you have to pay for it.  His concept is, "Crayons=MINE".  I picked out a couple of Color Wonder sets and put them into the cart and he began to scream at the top of his lungs..."Color-Color, Color-Color, Color-Color!!!!".  I kept saying lets look around and find you some new dvds (cause Mommy needs a break from Diego and the Three-Toed Sloth episode....uggggghhhh).  All he could focus on was getting that Color Wonder set out of the package and those crayons into his little hands.  He lost all sense of reality and fell down the rabbit-hole of insane.  Right there between the Melissa & Doug puzzles and the coloring section, my child began to transform into mayhem.  This was one nasty meltdown, let me tell you.  And you could say in a way, especially to someone who doesn't know he is autistic...that this was spoiled and bad behavior.  I give it to you (by you, I mean strangers who are looking at the drama unfolding), this child wanted to color right there in the middle of the store and I wasn't allowing it and he was pissed...but the meltdown ensued not only from not getting his way, but from not being able to communicate and understand that in five minutes he could have the whole Color Wonder set to himself. 

He was wearing his famous t-shirt...the one from CafePress that reads "I Am Not Naughty.  I Am Autistic.  Please Be Understanding".  It usually helps.  People see a child having a complete exorcism...they read the shirt...they stare in horror for a couple of minutes and they move on.  I can take the stares...stare away...just don't approach me and say anything to me or my son...those are my rules.  My other rule is if you are close enough to me for me to hear your nasty comment under your breath about my child and my parenting then you are also fair game, but I digress.

So, where was I?  Oh yeah...here we were in the middle of Toys R Us having a disasterous meltdown over "Color Colors" and I am standing my ground.  "We aren't leaving", I say to myself,  "Let em' stare...I don't care".  And stare they did.  We finally made it to the video section and he was in full meltdown mode.  I picked him up and put him on my hip and began to show him all the different video choices.  I probably looked insane because I was extremely calm and nonchalant while picking through the videos while I had this wild animal headbutting me and pulling my hair while screaming and kicking.  I just continued to shop like I didn't notice it. 

I get the to register to pay for the videos (and they could have been pornos for all I knew at that point) and let's not forget the Color Wonder sets that ignited the fire to begin with and the guy behind the counter began to ask me if I had my Toys R Us rewards card with me.  Mind you, my child is still on my hip headbanging, screaming, and kicking.  I politely said, "no".  He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to open up a Toys R Us rewards card to save and to receive coupons on future purchases.  I had a Toys R Us rewards card in my wallet but didn't want to have to juggle through the meltdown to find it so I just told him I didn't have one...not realizing he was going to give me the whole spill on how great it was and how it only took a second to apply.  I mean, REALLY????  Do you see this child attacking me and you think I am concerned about getting 10% off ?????  Surely, he didn't think I was a secret shopper grading him on his check-out protocol?  I was trying so hard not to be rude, but I felt my inner sarcastic bitch coming out in me and I said, "Do I look like I want a rewards card?".  He just looked at me and Logan for a second and replied, "No Ma'am, you don't".  I said, "Then is there anyway you can ring me up so I can get out of here and handle my son please".  He immediately began to ring up all the stuff in my cart with a fury that I have never seen before.  I almost felt bad for snapping at him, until it happened. 

There is always that one moment that will stop me in my tracks.  The comment or remark that will make me turn on one heel and come back and let someone hold it.  His female coworker said (loud enough for me to hear), "Dese parents wid dese hyperactive kids need to start gittin dem on some pills in stuff cause I am gon lose my mind up in here."

This comment came from an employee of the largest retailer that supports Autism Speaks and obviously there is no training on how to handle a customer or child in the store with autism.  Hmmm?  My next thought was, "Gee, he is wearing a t-shirt that says in very large print that he has autism and you still utter ignorance?".  My third thought was, "I have to correct her grammer." because I am and always will be a "Grammer Diva".  I was an Honors English student, a communications/journalism major, and the editor of my high school newspaper and to hear her spew a sentence of such jibberish shook me to my core.  I didn't know where to start first...defending my son's autism or the English language itself...it was a toughie let me tell you, but the autism won out. 

"Ma'am", I said, "what you are witnessing isn't hyperactivity and can't be washed away with a pill.  This child has autism and he becomes overstimulated in stores and has communication breakdowns which cause him to exhibit extreme behavior.  This happens on a regular basis and I can promise you if I haven't "lost my mind" yet then surely you can hold it together.  By the way, he has on a t-shirt that clearly states he has autism and asks for your patience, so your patience would be greatly appreciated.  And for the record, I donated $20.00 to Autism Speaks the last time I was in here and am saddened to see the lack of autism understanding from a store that sponsors such a large supporter for autism research and advocacy."  There...I had done it...I put this woman in her place and set her straight and it felt good.  I was expecting Bill Engval to jump out and yell at her, "Here's Your Sign".

I took a step back, feeling very accomplished in my advocacy and I was met with a very unenthused, uninterested expression and a very simple response...

"I didn't know.  You should let somebody know before dey say sumthing." 

I want you to take that all in...that's right...think about what she just said. 

"Let somebody know before dey say sumthing". 

Priceless.

This is why it is so hard to continue fighting this fight.  It is so hard to stay politically correct when you are dealing with ignorance of this magnitude.  I am either going back to handing out cards again to explain my son's autism or either I am going to start using the middle finger, but vocalization is becoming completely futile.