"It Can't Get Any Worse"

Whenever you say the words "It can't get worse" it usually does.  Last week was no exception.  It is amazing how many castastrophes went down in the course of a few short days.  It all started with trying to get my car inspected.  My license plate tags were about to expire so I had to take my car in for an inspection first before I could renew my tags.  I arranged to take my two year old to Play Date (a drop in child care facility that only charges by the hour) and after dropping him off headed across the street to a local oil changing center.  After waiting about an hour and a half they told me my car was ready and that it had passed inspection.  Sweet!  No bumps in the road today.  Smooth sailing it seemed.  I picked up Spongebob from Play Date and he was having a great time playing and running around.  We headed to lunch and then home. 

I had noticed earlier the day before a strange and foul smelling odor coming from what I thought was my toddler's breath.  All the possibilities flooded my mind.  Strep?  Decaying tooth?  Being the worrier I am I asked his developmental pediatrician at his follow-up appointment the morning of my inspection what he made of the odor.  After fighting off a wild animal and not getting a very good look in his mouth, he told me that he thought it was just drainage and it would run its course.  I had no other reason not to believe that and so I did.  After 24 hours the odor was now pungent and I knew of course that it couldn't be drainage.  We were sitting at my older son's baseball game and I noticed the odor was so prevalent that I could smell my son playing in the grass a few feet from me.  I was embarrassed that the other mother's could smell it also.

As the evening progressed I noticed the gnats and mosquitos were making their way into the evening.  I began to notice that the gnats were pitching in groups around my son's nostril.  They were literally covering the end of his nose.  I looked around and noticed no one else had an army of gnats gathering on their face and I knew right then and there that something was not right.

When my son woke up the next morning the smell greeted me as soon as I entered his room and I noticed his left cheek was swollen and red.  Back to the pediatrician's office we went.  I was worried that we would have to see a different physician because we were being worked in but thank goodness his regular pediatrician was the attending on call.  She walked in and inquired as to why we were there and she immediately noted the smell.  I told her about the gnat incident and my concerns that something may be inside of his nose and she agreed.  After holding him down and looking up both nostrils with a light she said she definitely thought something was up there.  This resulted in an immediate emergency referral to the ENT office.  I arranged to have my in-laws pick up my older boys from school and headed over to ENT.

It is important to mention that for someone unknown reason my son is extremely partial to having meltdowns in this particular office.  I am not sure if it is the length of time he is required to wait to see the ENT or if it is the closed-off play area they have for children, but everytime we have been in this office over the last year he has had a hellatious meltdown.  This day was no exception.  His ENT specialist had indicated that my child shouldn't wait when he has appointments and immediately be put into a room, but somehow they receptionist missed that tidbit and told us to have a seat.  I don't like to use Autism as an excuse everywhere we go so I thought we should at least try to see how things went without asking for special treatment.  Not so good, I tell you.  Not so good.

He heads right over to the play area where there is a little girl a couple years older than him.  She may have been four or five.  You could tell she was a bossy, domineering type of child.  The type that would set my son off.  I kept trying to get my son to sit with me but that was completely futile.  He kept heading back into the play area.  Every toy my son would pick up this other little girl would snatch from him and I could see him getting visibly upset.  Hmmm...looks like for once my son has better social skills than another NT child.  Imagine that, I thought.  This give and take went on for a while and then my son got really upset and somehow flipped off the back of a small wooden chair and I heard his head crack against the wooden molding near the floor.  Piercing screams now filled the waiting room.  I picked him up and he began to butt his head over and over in my chest and continued to scream.  Everyone was staring (what's new).  I walked with him in my arms up to the reception desk and said very politely, "Excuse me, but my son has autism and his doctor indicated in his chart that we should not wait here in the waiting room because he gets overstimulated.  Is there any way that he could be put into a room".  She rolled her eyes and took another big smack off of her gigantic mound of chewing gum and said, "Shug, we can't just let you jump ahead of all the other patient's just because your son has a problem".  I responded, "I am not trying to jump ahead of anyone I am trying to control my child from having a complete meltdown and your help would be greatly appreciated."  Somehow, after about ten deep huffs and a few more eyerolls my request was accomodated.

But it was too late.  He was in full meltdown mode at this point.  As soon as the door shut behind us in the exam room his meltdown when from minor to major.  He ran around the room screaming and then began slamming his head against the wall repeatedly.  I grabbed him and tried to hold him tightly but he just continued to fight me.  I put him down and he ran over to the exam chair and went to slam his head into it but somehow missed his mark and busted his mouth on the arm of the chair so hard that he split his lip open.  Blood spewed everywhere.  At this point I began to freak.  Holy Hell he is a bloody mess and the doctor hasn't even come in here.  What am I going to do???  I peaked my head out the door and didn't see anyone so I grabbed my son (still screaming and melting) and we walked down the hall.  I can only imagine what we looked like all covered in blood and him screaming.  I probably looked like "Parent of the Year".  I finally saw a nurse and when I saw her I just busted into tears.  I told her what happened and she ran and got a bag of ice and some cloths.  I just stood there like a blubbering whale while she cleaned him up.  I kept apologizing and she was very nice about the whole incident.  I must have looked like a mental patient.  Sometimes autism catches up with you when you least expect it.  I can see the headlines now..."Strong Warrior Mom Turns Into A Pile Of Mush At Local ENT Office".  Finally, his doctor arrives.  When I think back on his facial expression when he walked in the room and sees me and my son sitting there all covered in blood and I tell him he has a foreign body up his nose, well, I just want to laugh.  He looked super confused and I told him just to ignore all the blood,  that we had a mishap and it was fine now.  He just laughed and proceeded to look up my son's nose.  Yep, he confirmed there was definitely something up there.  After a few numbing drops up the nose out it came...a gigantic wad of paper that had been intricately wrapped around a staple.  Only my child could have come up with something so creative and wanted to preserve it for future reference...where better than in his nostril?  Finally we were out the door.  I got in the car and strapped on my seatbelt and took a huge deep breath.  It can't get any worse, I thought.  Boy, was I wrong.

While we spent all day Thursday in the ENT office I was supposed to be at the DMV getting my tags renewed after getting my inspection done on Wednesday.  That didn't happen so we were in a real pinch.  My tags were scheduled to expire on my car over the weekend on Sunday, so Friday (last Friday the 13th) was my last chance for getting my tags renewed before they expired.  My husband, trying to be a sweetie, offered to take my registration with him to work on Friday to handle this for me since I had been under so much stress already over the past week.  He ended up getting behind and didn't get to take lunch until around 2pm and called me after leaving the DMV.  He didn't know what to say other than he couldn't get my tags because the computer system showed that my car had an out of date inspection.  "Impossible", I screamed through the phone.  I explained to him that I had it done Wednesday and for him to have them run it again...again...no inspection in the system.  I was livid.  I called the oil changing station and told them what happened.  After some investigating it seems as if they did an inspection on someone else's car and I paid for it and was given their inspection paper showing my car had passed and a receipt for my payment but nothing was actually done on my vehicle.  I had to pick the boys up from school by 3pm and knew that there was no way I would be able to get another inspection done and tags renewed by 5pm when the DMV closes.  As pissed off as I have ever been, I hauled ass to the school and picked up the two oldest boys and flew like Speed Racer to the oil changing place.  The guy comes out and apologizes and tells me to wait in the their waiting area and for me to know that there is going to be a wait.  A wait???  Oh, hell no there isn't!!!  See Dude...you messed with the wrong Autism Mom today!!!!  Oh yes you did!!! 

"No, Sir, there isn't going to be a wait.  You see I came here Wednesday and paid for two hours of babysitting services for my son who is autistic and sat here in your waiting area for an hour and a half while you inspected someone else car and I paid for it.  Now you are going to cause me not to be able to get to the DMV by 5pm and my tags are going to expire on Sunday.  Unless you want your waiting room to look like aftermath from Hurricane Katrina (because I can promise that you have never seen devastation until you unleash my son on a stack of magazines and some potted plants) then I suggest you take me right NOW!!!!!  He suddenly had some sort of epiphany and agreed to take my car straight back for inspection.  While inside Logan proceeded to wipe out a whole stand of business cards, tear up two magazines, unplug the drink machine, and type on their computer system...and for the first time ever I didn't even try to stop it.  I was numb and irate.  We left that place in a pile of dust and I think our Governor has now declared it a State of Emergency and they are getting some funding from FEMA to repair the damages, but I am not carrying that on my concscience.  Nope...not worrying about that!

I did manage to get my tags first thing on Monday morning without getting pulled and I did so after learning another valuable lesson in the world of Autism.  Never...never...ever...say it can't get worse...because it always does.  And for the record...Friday the 13th for me was an entire week, but hell, Friday the 13th is just another day in this Life With Spongebob.